Job Interview Tips, Part 1
1. Arrive at least 15 min late. It will show your professionalism. It means that you are busy with some other projects, and your time is valuable.

2. In summer time wear only underwear. It shows that you are an open person and have nothing to hide. In wintertime, you wear warm sport pants and a big fur cap. It shows that you have values and will not be intimidated easily.

3. Never wear a conservative style dresses like high priced black shoes, a tie, and a suit. The suit shows that you want to have a wedding party or something, not to work hard.

4. Job application. Don't write too much. The less you write, the less they will harass on the interview.

a. Schools attended
If they ask, to name all the schools you went beginning from the kinder garden, list only the most recent you attended (real or fictitious depending on your mood). The elementary school may reveal that you are not from here, and these people hate the ones who are not from here.

b. Places you work, positions you hold, and the phone numbers.
Lie. Write that you worked for a fictitious company or well-known company, and you was a big shot there. Say that you are allowed to give only phone number of the main office of the corporation, that the headquarter located in Bermuda, or in another part of the world, and give them a foreign phone number. They will not call, because the phone call is too expensive. Another possibility is to give them phone number of your friend, and tell to the friend about it.

c. Work References
Basically, your pub or synagogue friends are your best references. I personally prefer to give phone numbers of my worst supervisors, because they hate phone calls from other companies. I worked for these idiots for a while; I answered their phone calls that I did not want to answer; now it is their turn to answer the phone calls that they don't want to answer.

d. Optional questions
Never answer the volunteer questions about your race, religion and sex. Why? First of all, you will save your time, energy and the ink of the pen. Second, it shows that you are a businessperson. You will not talk about any conversation on race, sex, and religion during the workday. If the receptionist insists that you answer these questions, send her to college. Insist that the word "volunteer" is the opposite of the word "requirement", and that the English professor can explain her this fact better.

e. Any additional info, certifications, etc. place on the application.
Leave it blank. It shows that you can keep secrets about yourself. If you can keep your secrets, you may keep company secrets as well.

f. Emergency phone number and the emergency person.
Put a phone number of the adult only business. First of all, companies get burned up only once in a while. Therefore, they have no use of your emergency phone number. They just want to destroy your privacy legally, so protect yourself. Let them listen to some tasteless joke from the insane psychic or porno company.
Write a fictitious name as an emergency name. They don't need to know your wife, mother, and your ex-something. Put as generic name as possible. Barb Smith is a good one. The less words in name, the less suspicious it will look.

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